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Mixed Bag

February 6, 2009

My emotions are all over the place these days.  I long for the day Gomer Pyle makes his way home.  My heart literally hurts when I think about going to bed without him.  Tears spring to my eyes when I think about the last kiss I smacked on his little forehead.  Does he know I love him?  Does he know I want him home?  Does he know I’d move the earth to get him back?

In my waiting days, I’ve rediscovered my walk with God.  In my mind I knew I was growing apart from my Father, I knew that I needed to step it up and put more faith in Him than in myself.  The Husband and I have church hopped since we got here a year and half ago.  We are in the most liberal county in Kansas.  Finding a church here that meets our ideals is difficult to say the least.  This is the hardest part of PCSing for me… finding a new church to call home.

Mostly I want to record my emotions.  I find my ADD to be out of control these days… which makes sense because my mind is constantly focused (for once!) on finding my Gomer.  Of course, if I could control the ADD I would.   I know my brain is going into hyper mode when I’m in the middle of a sentence and finish the sentence with another sentence.  Confused?  Try having a conversation with me.

In recording my thoughts at this time in my life, I know I have a thousand things to say about my friends.  The Lovely Co-Worker was at my door within 30 minutes of finding out Gomer Pyle was MIA.  She and her daughter have helped search for Pyle and watched me cry for 6 days now.  My boss, Slick has been in the trenches with me as well, running through yards, peeking under houses… all while wearing black heels.  

I realized on my way back to work yesterday that I finally feel comfortable in Lawrence.  It’s been 18 months and I feel like I have “girls” are here.  I generally make friends quickly, but the “dating” process with friends is an extended one.  Sometimes I get to know someone that I later decide I can’t handle.  Other times, I find friends that I can’t get enough of.  

The Husband has been through every emotion I can think of in the past week.  He’s gone from extreme anger to hurt, guilt, sadness, remorse in a matter of minutes.  I’m a pretty even tempered person never given to fits of emotion.  Seeing me cry like I have over the past week has devastated The Husband.  He doesn’t know what to do with me.  His jokes fall flat.  “Oh… you’re off of hormones?  That bunker in the garage wasn’t enough for Gomer… he ran away from your insanity.”  Or my favorite… “Oh, you aren’t pregnant?  Well, at least if you were I’d have 9 months to create a beacon so you couldn’t forget where our children are.”  

Knowing me, the jokes would normally be funny.  Am I an emotional basketcase when the doctor tries to jack with my hormones?  Sometimes.  The joke between The Husband and I are constant, a few years ago the doctor was really experimenting with my hormones (think massive amounts of estrogen… then no estrogen… ).  I’d just start crying/laughing/hiccuping at the same time.   Also my ADD has turned me into an OCD freak where  I control everything in my environment.  I know where everything is.  I know what to do to make a situation better.

My mind can’t shut down.  I dream about Gomer Pyle.  I’m constantly looking outside expecting him to be sitting there with the tip of his tail shaking like a little rattlesnake.  He’ll have that look on his face that says, ‘Geez woman!  What the hell took you so long!?!’  He’ll be home…

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 6, 2009 23:09

    I’m glad you posted again, even if you don’t have good news yet. Life is so full of ups and downs. The more of life I see, the gladder I am for the small ups. I’m glad you have such a great support system and hope that you’ll hang in there. I hope this weekend brings you some peace and joy somehow!

  2. February 8, 2009 07:43

    I still have hope that Gomer will return, hang in there.

  3. Kristin permalink
    February 9, 2009 03:28

    Hey Sweetie..
    I’m just checking in for the latest news on Gomer…. *sigh*
    Don’t give up hope. I have a friend in NY… she lost two of her cats at once.. they were indoor cats and someone left the door open… Anyway… she found Harley about 4 months later. 🙂 Cats seem to always make their way back home…. They are so smart. ‘Specially Gomer. 🙂

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