Proper way to celebrate a sick day:
1. Call boss at butt-crack off dawn and explain with your 4 pack-a-day voice that you won’t be making it in.
2. Whine to The Husband that you don’t feel good. Really whine about it too! Mm… kisses on the forehead. Wonderful. I feel better already.
3. Grab a blanket from your childhood… the one that sits in the linen closet 364 days of the year because the colors take you back to decades gone by. Make your way downstairs to the couch.
3. Lay down on the couch only to realize that you left your pillow on the bed… upstairs. Give yourself a pep talk, You can make it. Get up. Go upstairs and grab the pillow.
4. Make it to the top of the stairs and sit on the steps trying to catch your breath.
5. Reach for your pillow only to think, but the bed is so soft… I’ll lay down for just a minute.
6. Fall asleep on the bed. Wake up to a loud, obnoxious sound… realize that it’s coming from your nose/mouth area. You were snoring like a 98 year old man!
7. Go back downstairs. Sit upright on the couch while clutching your pillow. Don’t look out the front window. Crapy. You looked out the front window… the construction guys have somehow managed to get insulation all over the front yard. Grab a Target bag and proceed out the front door.
8. Ignore the lovely construction men that are staring at your cherry-studded pajama bottoms. No, don’t ignore it. Go inside and grab a pair of jeans. That’s better. Go pick up the trash. Regardless of the fact that you’re sick… you still have Monk-like traits. How can you be sick and recuperate if there’s trash all over the yard?
9. Go in the house, wash hands three times and try to sit upright on the couch. Look! It’s 9:00 am! Oh. Someone just pulled into the driveway. Get up… unlock the door.
10. Open the door to find your boss about to knock. Ohhh… she comes bearing tea! Lots of yummy tea! Medicine! You’re going to make it!
11. Make yourself a cup of tea. Lie down on the couch. It’s 9:10 and you’re suddenly very tired.
12. Take a nap for approximately 2 1/2 hours.
13. Kiss your husband goodbye for the afternoon and whine some more.
14. Make your way up to the man room, boot up the computer and manage to hit Publish on that chapter you wrote three days ago.
15. Find the stairs… the couch is calling. Oh… are those feet on my driveway? I must be dreaming. Open the door anyway. Cute friend leaning on her car… hmm. Ohh! She comes bearing gifties too! This has to be a dream… she has… beer.
16. 12:35 in the afternoon. Continue to have this strange dream where cute friend stands in kitchen with you. Strange. There’s the beer again. I’ll just put that in the fridge. Ohhh… and nose tape medicine. That looks funny.
17. 3:30 what just happened? Did I fall asleep again? Go to the kitchen, throw some flour, yeast and water in the kitchen aid. Make pizza dough. Take a nap.
18. Husband’s home! Whine. Whine like you’ve never whined before. This grants you two forehead kisses. Bliss. Go back to sleep.
19. Punch down dough that has nearly consumed your kitchen during your last nap. Put it back in the bowl. Go back to the couch and your childhood blankie. Look outside and feel tears streaming down your face. What I wouldn’t give to go for a jog right now. It’s beautiful!
20. Roll out dough and make the most half-hearted Stromboli. Whine to The Husband that you don’t feel so hot. Ohhh… another forehead kiss. He’s so sweet. All that whining will get him to wash dishes and cuddle with you on the couch… until you take another nap.
21. Wake up Saturday morning feeling like the algae on the lake. Repeat activities of previous day. When The Husband walks through and asks where the huge Guinness came from… just sit back and laugh. You weren’t dreaming at all.
22. Be thankful for your fun, quirky friends.