Happiness & Tears
Two years before The Husband and I left North Carolina I met a woman who has become a great friend. Some of my favorite memories of North Carolina are of our weekly Tuesday night dinner dates to cook a nice meal and share a bottle (or two) of wine while we, along with our husbands watched American Idol.
Through the years we’ve seen each other grow, as Christians, as spouses and friends. For many years before these friends met The Husband and I, they’d dreamt of being parents. God smiled down on them last week as they became parents of 3 lucky little children; a 5 year old and 19 month old twins. After finding out, I spent the first hour with tears of joy streaking my face and goosebumps littering my skin. Not long after, I found myself praying for the children and thanking God for all He has done for my friends, who undoubtedly will be phenomenal parents.
That evening after The Husband and I read through everything; laughing, crying and reminiscing about our friendship with this couple, I had the distinct feeling that I hadn’t given quite enough control up to God. I tend to hold on to what I want to control and then beg for forgiveness later. I admire that about our friends. They trust without question, believe without fear.
That night, I laid it all down about my little man. I’ve never given up hope that he’s going to find his way home to me. I still cry when I find one of his balls under a piece of furniture. I still can’t talk about him. The ache I feel in my heart for him is unbelievable. I had to give it up to God last Wednesday.
Thursday night I drew a bath while The Husband was working on homework. Happily surrounded by hot, bubbly grapefruit scented water and a book, I felt a slight tug when the phone rang. The Husband picked it up in another room where all I heard were muffled words then heavy footsteps into the bedroom. “There’s been a Gomer sighting” he said. Perplexed and confused I said, “Who called? Our newspaper ad stopped running almost 2 weeks ago.” The Husband grabbed a towel as I launched myself out of the tub dripping water everywhere and said, “A lady saw the ad a few weeks ago and cut it out in case she saw him. Let’s go. She’s got him caged.”
It wasn’t our Gomer Pyle. It was a very sweet boy who looked like our Gomer but his coloring was faded. Dejected and confused I got back in the car and let the tears come. I came home and hugged my little Miss Radar and gave her as much love and attention I could. The Husband and I made our way to bed around 10:00 where I laid thinking of all of the good times I had shared with my little man. I thought about the black box that I had purchased a week earlier so we could pack up his things and say a proper goodbye. The phone rang at 10:30. I turned on the bedside lamp, wiped my eyes and muttered to The Husband, “I hope everything is okay. No respectable person calls at 10:30 at night unless it’s an emergency.” I grabbed the phone and said, “Hello?”
“Cat? Is this Cat?” a timid voice asked. “Yes. Can I help you?” I asked the older woman. “Well, a while ago you came to see me with a picture of your beautiful little cat. I still have it, you know… the picture? I live just down the street. I still have the picture.” the woman went on. “Well, I just was reading the paper and there’s an ad in today for a cat matching your Gomer’s description that was found. I thought I’d call and give you the number.” My heart stopped. I ran to another room to grab a pen and paper. I wrote the number down and thanked the woman profusely.
That was Thursday last week. I still haven’t heard from the people in the ad. Today I’m going to the Humane Society at lunch. Someone thinks they saw him on our local news channel as a babe ready for adoption.
I made the mistake a few months ago of telling someone that I don’t express my emotions in any dramatic way. I don’t cry or show outward anger very often. This past week has been a test of my resolve. I’ve spent the better part of the week swiping salty tears from my cheeks out of both happiness and sadness. I love that I love people so much that I can cry tears of happiness for them.
I know that someday God will reunite me with my little man. Whether it’s in the flesh or the spirit, only He knows.