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Lesson Hard Learned

June 1, 2009

Powell Gardens 044

I married my best friend six and half years ago.  I had no idea how our lives would turn out, I just knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life being his partner and strongest supporter.  Life as a military wife is a difficult one on so many levels, but it is by far the most rewarding experience of my life.

The years have flown by.  I’m amazed each time I take a moment to reflect on all we’ve been through and where we are headed.  Life isn’t without disappointment though.  Mainly it’s disappointment in myself.  This lifestyle leads me to feel like my time spent with my husband is precious and limited, I should make myself available for him at any time.  If he wasn’t deployed or off working the country with his jet, then I was at home waiting patiently for him. 

Some of my friends had it figured out.  They scheduled lunch and dinner dates with their friends, they went out after work for drinks and had a genuinely good time while their husbands burned the midnight oil.  I couldn’t understand how they did it.  I couldn’t understand how they weren’t at home waiting for their spouse when they could come home at any minute and there was only an hour between the time he walked in the door before he passed out in bed after a 14 hour workday.  I was jealous that they had the time to spend with friends, that they took care of themselves too.

A few weeks ago when The Husband was particularly busy and uncharacteristically cranky I took off for the weekend with my good friend Pamela.  We started the day at the local farmers market buying herbs, met up with another friend and went to Pendleton’s to pick our own asparagus then found ourselves at the local BBQ festival and cook off.  I spent the day with just my friends and came home to a man who was still there, who still loved me.

Somehow in the last couple years I’ve learned a lesson that was a hard one to learn.  I’ve let go of the consuming fear that I will not be there for The Husband when he needs me.  I didn’t resent him, but I worry that I had put myself on the path to deep resentment.  After all, I’m the wife of a career military man.  He’s hasn’t been there every time I needed him, he still won’t be (not much can be expected when he’s deployed 3 times in 5 years).  Such is the life we lead.  I’m greatful that I finally listened to The Husband when he urged me to go have fun when he was home but unavailable.  He’s a pretty smart man, I should stop letting my own insecurity dictate what I do and when.

The Husband and I went on a double date the weekend after finals to Powell Gardens and had a fabulous time which I will share with you later.  It’s nice to have moments like that to realize just how special time spent together is.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. June 1, 2009 13:45

    It is good that you are taking care of yourself too, you will both be stronger for it.
    A lot of expectation on him if you only wait at home for him.
    So glad you had a nice date together.

    ps, maybe you can explain to my husband why I can’t stop singing I’m Hot Cause I’m Deployed when I do the dishes… I had never even heard the song before you – now it’s stuck in my head!

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